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I'm letting everything all out here in my blog...

It's been a while that I have written something in this blog. But there's something triggering me to write again and reminisce the dates of what happened to me in the past. As I was reading my previous blogs, I can't help but laugh and at the same time cry when I relate pass memories from the present events. Lately, my girlfriend and I broke up without any clear reasons and notice. She broke up with me just by text messages.

To have a clear picture of my story. It all began with this...

Me and my girlfriend (Sharheyll) were classmates wayback when we were 2nd year college. We have the same course, same subjects taken, and same schedules. Most of the time, we always see each other everyday. I started to notice her when my friend, who is also her friend, introduced me to her. It started all with just a plain introduction and grew into borrowing of notes, exchanging text messages. Until such time, exchanging text messages were often that we started to like each other.

It all started when she was studying outside the Luce Auditorium Lobby (Silliman University) and surprised her that I'll go and meet her. I approached her from behind. Just in time when I was near that she turned her head and surprised to see me. We had a long talk with each other until the sun set and decided to go home. Every night, exchanging text messages were getting more often.

Moreover, it was more than 2 months of liking each other that I finally proposed to her to be my girlfriend. It was on April 14, 2007 that she said her calm and sweet "YES." It was one of my happiest days in my life when I had a very sweet girlfriend. Everything went very exciting just like new married couples are. I can still remember we had our first picture at the CBA grounds on the swing together. Her hair was still curly that time.

You can refer what happened to our first and second monthsary on my previous blogs. It was just a simple and unconventional time speding with each other. Nothing much but just a simple get together.

Moreover, as time goes, she introduced me to her sister, who is much older than us. We had a dinner time together with the 3 of us. Just in the middle of our dinner, Shareed's boyfriend (Jebsen) came along to join us. I was still tensed to be with them since I still dont know them that much. As we were getting along together the four of us, we spent time together, the four of us, overnight at Kuya Jebsen's place. Kuya Jebs and Ate Shareed on the bed, and both Sharheyll and I on the floor. I can see in Sharheyll's eyes that she was so inloved. And so am I. We kissed each other almost the whole dawn, prior to that, I vomitted because I got drunk when we were having "shottings" with Kuya Jebsen and Ate Shareed. She didn't mind what happened. And we still continue to kiss. I am Sharheyll's first kiss.

I can also remember our first escapade in Siquijor where we spent overnight with friends. Nothing beats the memories in Salagdo-ong beach. I was sleeping on her lap. Kiss her on top of the rock seeing the horizon where the ocean meets the sky. Who couldn't the underwater kiss??? Great moment together.

Moreso, we also had our great times in Forest Camp, Valencia and Agan-an beach. Just so sweet. She was an outgoing girl and you could seldom hear complains from her. Lagi siyang on-the-go.

Who couldn't also forget the musical analysis of Bethoven and other maestros? I used to analyze her assignments since I am more acquainted with music than she was.

Everything went so nice. We spend time studying together. Spending time on the weekends, holidays and even free times.

Sharheyll was the first girl I introduced to my parents. It is always my principle that when I enter into relationships, I always don't hide them to my parents. My father including me and Sharheyll dated on a dinner out.

Having a relationship is not always sunny days. When we were on our junior years, we always had difficult times together too since our lessons are getting though that sometimes, we fail exams. But we when through it all together. We both graduated March 2009. Now we were reviewing together.

Going back, in a relationship, I believe there are also cold times together especially when you always are together. Sometimes, tight relationship hinder us to grow socially and meet other people too. We always isolate ourselves in the society and get stuck just between the two of us together.

I admit to myself that I have also flaws in this relationship of ours. Later part of our relationship, I used to take her for granted because maybe, we should give ourselves a chance to grow individually. I flirted too, but never had any extra relationship. I always put in my mind that she was still my princess. I admit too that I had something that really sucks in my attitude. I just dont know how to control my anger and that even the slightest thing of just getting things over, I always get disappointed and she was always the target. I admit, I hurt her both emotionally and physically. People can see evidence of her red, chinese looking eyes in the morning because tears fill a bowl full. I could'nt just imagine myself. What I idolize her the most if her patience to me that despite what I did to her, she was still there with me holding on.

As the relationship pass by, everythings getting blurry. It was when I came back to Dumaguete City last May 2009 that I realized that I should be "born again." How could such person like me do this to her. When we were having our completion together, there was this one time that I said "I LOVE YOU" to her when we were on the sink in the operating room cleaning the instruments. Even myself couldn't imagine why I said this. But there something that pushed me to realize that I just shouldn't say this but to show this as well. That is why, I took the oppurtunity to spend quality time together. I had missed few days spending with her because I was damn addicted with computer games. But I was always dictating to myself that I should change! After a speding a week in Dumaguete, we spent the last day playing basketball arcade in Mart One. I offered her a song which I used to like since I was high school entitle "Wildflower." I dedicate that song to her. The day after, I left Dumaguete and my way bound home.

When I arrived in Zamboanga, I went directly to the hospital to see the condition of my lolo who had a tricycle accident. My lolo was semi-comatosed. On that same day, he was scheduled for a STAT operation. Venticulostomy. To drain out blood in his brain. Being the first apo, and also a nursing graduate, I played a big role in attending to my lolo, from the buying of the medications, suctioning secretions, tracheostomy care and bedbath. My lolo was 80 years old. We even spent his birthday last May 2009. My lolo spent 15 days in the ICU where most of the families were having difficulties with what happened. During these times, I had never spent time with my own self. I even had difficult times communicating with Sharheyll because of the sad event. My lolo still didn't survive. My lolo died and everyone if mourning. As a graduate nurse, I used to maintain my composure and be objective but sometimes, my emotions supercede because it is the first time there's someone who died in the house. First time for our family actually.

During this transition, I spent time to read book. I read the "Purpose driven life" by Rick Warren and realize my purpose in this world. I also learned in the book on how to value people, life as a whole. I then realize how much worthy was Sharheyll. So I used to text her again but she seem to reply confusing questions and answers.

My lolo died on a Sunday. I was scheduled to leave on Wednesday of the coming week but then my father said if I could postpone it because my lolo will be burried on the Thursay of the coming week. As a respect to my lolo, I decided to postpone. I planned to leave the Wednesday of the next week.

My lolo was finally burried but our family is still on the denial stage. I left for Zamboanga on Tuesday of the next week to follow up papers for my motorcycle. At that night, Sharheyll was breaking up with me in the text. I called her and we talked and cried to talk about matters because I don't want us to be broken. She was insisting that this is for our own good. Well, I strongly don't agree. I told her that wait for me to arrive in Dumaguete to personally talk these things over. It was a lonely trip when I left Wednesday in Zamboanga. She was not anymore replying that much to my text messages. When I arrived in Dumaguete, I was happy to see the place again but more sad to what happened to us. I told that we should meet and talk things over. I was suicidal those days when she was not replying to me and I was not used to that. It was during Monday, our review class devotion that we met and talked things over but it was mostly my talk and I didn't get much of her side. I was went I was kissing and hugging her that she refused when she said, "naa na koy boyfried", "I now have a boyfriend." It was like the whole heaven fell on me that my heart was literally crushing. I didn't believe her at first but when I confirmed, I believed. The guy was the CI who usually Sharheyll before long before we were still in our relationship. I can't imagine. Very painful indeed. I was a difficult time to cope up with such a thing. What made it more painful was the fact that she answered the guy, just exactly the time I arrived in Dumaguete. SHE SHOULD HAVE WAITED FOR ME TO TALK THINGS OVER. I couldn't blame her with her decisions since I got flaws that she might base why she wants to broke up with me. Masakit talaga.

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